Capistrano Funny's Noah Seeks Sanctuary in Mission Bell Tower

SANCTUARY, Cry's Noah.
SANCTUARY, Cry's Noah.

A friend sent me this funny little “what if” joke about Noah building the Ark in the USA.  I paused to reflect on our small town of San Juan Capistrano. What if Noah were to try to build the Ark here in San Juan Capistrano? Well, tongue in cheek, I started to make the connection.  


COULD NOAH BUILD THE ARK TODAY? If Noah lived in the U.S. today here is how it would go. A. God speaks to Noah and tells him he has 1 yr. to build the Ark and bring everything aboard. B. 1 yr. later Noah is crying in the woods and God ask him, "where’s my Ark?" C. "I had a few problems”, Noah replies. D. I had trouble with the government. They didn’t approve of your plans. E. OSHA didn’ t think you had an adequate sprinkler systems in case of a fire. F. Neighbors complained I was violating zoning code and reported me. G. The spotted owl prevented me from cutting down trees for the Arks wood. H.. Carpenters went on a union led strike. I. An animal rights grouped sued me. J. The  EPA wanted an environmental impact report. K. The Army needed a flood plan map. L. Equal Employment. Opp. Commission I had no atheists on board.M. The IRS seized my assets claiming I was trying to flee the country and not pay taxes. N. The ACLU said because God was causing the flood it was a religious event and therefore, unconstitutional.


Noah said, they saw a rainbow and asked if God meant to destroy the earth? God said,"I don t have to, the government has done it.” Ha ha ha.


IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH HARDER HERE IN SAN JUAN CAPISTRANO.  The Open Space commission would have to study the plan to see if it complies with city Open Space regulations. The SJC city planners would study the nature and theme of the Ark. Does it comply with the image of San Juan Capistrano? The historical society would have to study the validity of the Ark and the historical relationship to SJC. The Junano Indians would study the Ark building site to assure it did not disturb the Indian burial grounds. Then the San Juan City Council would hold a closed door meeting and discuss the project, take a vote and buy land in another city based on the possibility of a flood. Then four lawsuits would be filed, someone would be recalled, and any judgments would be appealed. The city water department would be designing a forth tier to bill for the increased water supply produced by 40 days and 40 nights of rain water. Then Brad Gates and some lobbyist would get involved to say it was all the fault of the right wing advocates,  for mentioning the possibility of a flood. Special interest groups would create flyers saying Noah was having an affair with a young chick and photo shop pictures of Noah on the beach with a babe. Flyers of all sorts would be sent to the community of San Juan Capistrano saying that Noah is a right wing nut. Noah finally climbs the mission bell tower to call for SANCTUARY!



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