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Community Corner

Make Elders Happy by Just Visiting Them

There are hundreds of decisions to make in life, especially for care givers. What doctor should we see? Where should they live? What should they be eating? The list goes on and on. The truth is, the best thing you can do for you mom or dad is just to be there. 

In the end, will they remember that you found the right doctor, or the right in-home care? Will they reminisce about you finding them the right diet? What we remember about those we love is they cared to show up for the dance. It might be a slow dance. It might be a tango, but we came, we tried our best, and most of all we showed them our love by giving them our time. 

I've always been fascinated by older people. Even as a teenager, I'd visit the church widows and those confined to a rest home. I hope it made them happy. I know it made me a better person. Their wisdom and life stories were fascinating to me. What they gave me was much more than I could ever give them. 

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My gerontologist friend, Karen, recently sent the below note to me on this subject….. 

When my children were small, I'd take them along. Oh, how those elders loved to see my kids' shining faces come into their rooms. Even those we weren't really there to visit would stop them, take their hands, and ask them questions to keep them talking. 

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One visit was quite special. An old friend from church who loved my kids was admitted into a care facility due to a recent illness. He wasn't doing well at all. He could barely talk, but when he looked down at the three kids, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. I got a phone call shortly after we returned home. "Uncle Floyddie" had passed away just a few minutes after we left. It made me cry to think I almost hadn't gone that day. He meant a lot to my children and I know they felt they were able to tell him goodbye. 

Sometimes those we visited didn't say a word. They would just look into our faces and I knew they appreciated that we had come. When folks get dementia, and it progresses to later stages, often they don't talk at all. It's easy to just stop visiting. It's somewhat uncomfortable for many of us to try to keep a one sided conversation going, but it's still important. 

Just your presence says they matter. Not only to those we love, but to the people who are caring for them. If your loved one is in a care home, your visits bring a new understanding to the hand's-on caregivers you see. They become more than just a sweet elder, they become a dad, or a mom, a grandpa, or grandma – important people! 

Your visit will live on long after you have left. If your loved one still lives at home, they talk about your visit to those they call on the phone, or stop by. When you have a loved one in a retirement community, your loved one will most likely brag about you coming. They bring their friends up-to-date on the grandkids and great-grands. 

For those of you who do the hands' on care giving, it's easy to feel unappreciated. Don't believe that little voice that says, "I'm not doing enough," or "I can't seem to make mom or dad happy." You mean so much to your parents that it might be hard for them to even try to express it. 

Losing their independence and having to rely on anyone is something they rather just not think about. Pain, illnesses and life changes make it hard to have a good attitude all the time. You be their cheerleader. You tell them you love them, even if they fail to. What you are doing is perhaps the greatest gift you could ever give. Oh, and if you really want to feel special, bring the grandkids over! It a winner every time! 

See why I count Karen among my best friends? What she talks about I see every day here at San Clemente Villas By the Sea. Come by and have a free lunch with me in our private dining room and take tour of our facility. Oh, and be sure to visit with some of the seniors you will meet here.  They will love it! 

For more info about caring for your elderly, please contact me at (949) 289-1534.Or call and join me for lunch and a tour of our facility. San Clemente Villas by the Sea is located at 660 Camino De Los Mares, San Clemente, CA 92673. Fax: (949) 234-0081. Contact: Aileen Brazeau, Co-Owner of San Clemente Villas by the Sea. www.SanClementeVillas.com

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