'Burying a Child Is Truly the Most Painful Experience to Have to Live Through'

By Eric Yates and Penny Arévalo

EDITOR’S NOTE:  Last week, Patch reported that the state shut down the Huntington Beach detox facility where a San Juan Capistrano man died in 2012. Here is an exclusive interview with Jason Redmer’s mother, Lynne Redmer of San Juan Capistrano.

PATCH: What was your reaction when you heard the news the facility was being forced to close? When did you find out?

REDMER: When I was informed by the state of California on Monday, Aug. 5, it was the news I had been praying to hear for 16 months. It was a relief, hearing that place was finally going to be shut down, and at the same time the news was very emotional, for me.

PATCH: You mentioned it reopening memories and thoughts in your mind ... do you mind sharing some of those memories?  

REDMER: Many thoughts went through my mind, like a flashback to Thursday, April 12, 2012. I remember very clearly hearing Jason say very firmly that he wanted to detox, and he wanted to go that very night. He had just sold the week before the only possession that he had – the truck he loved so much. He was that determined. 

I remember his counselor and I saying, “Are you sure? That's a lot of money for a five-day detox ($2,350),” and Jason actually smiled at us, saying, "Yes, can you take me tonight?”

On the drive up to Huntington Beach, I asked Jason why a place so very far away? Huntington Beach was over 30 miles away. He was also becoming more sober, so I almost thought he'd change his mind. He said very seriously, “I have to be as far away as possible from anything familiar, and not be able to change my mind and walk home. I can't be near any temptations, especially while detoxing, when I'll be in a weakened state.” It made sense - since that is advice given to anyone with an addiction – you can't have access to any substance while detoxing.

Most people who are familiar with addictions know this for a fact. It is almost common sense. So, for Jason to have walked into a detox facility where of all place – “dead meds” were stored, is obscene. [According to state investigators, West Coast kept confiscated drugs unlocked in the garage attic.] I can't image anyone subjecting someone with an addiction to that environment, and that's what happened. Jason ended up in a facility which basically had a "pharmacy” on site. 

My son was really a wonderful young man who kept trying to overcome his addiction. On that night of April 12, Jason showed me, that he felt good about his decision. 

Just outside West Coast Detox, I hugged Jason for the last time, saying, "I love you, and I am so very proud of you!"  He smiled. The rest of what happened to Jason was documented in a story ABC News ran back in April. 

PATCH: Is there anything you'd like to say to the facility's owner Mr. Ramsey? 

REDMER: I know that the owner of that facility gave a statement to The Register, which I have chosen not to read.  

You asked me if I'd like to say anything to the owner, [Don] Ramsey?  

I would like to ask that he and his staff understand that burying a child is truly the most painful experience to have to live through. The week Jason died I faced decisions I never believed I would have to make: How do I bury Jason, do I have him cremated or buried? Who will do his eulogy? How should he be dressed for the viewing? What songs to pick for his funeral mass?   

Everyday conversations which were once very causal – such as "How are your children?" “How many do you have?” – create unbelievable pain. You would be amazed how often the topic of children comes up during new conversations. After Jason's death, I also had to deal with some of his friends who hadn't learned about his death, contacting me, asking, "Do you know why Jason isn't answering his phone or returning my text messages?" Try to image visiting your child at their gravesite. That pain cannot be explained.   

PATCH: Is there anything else you'd like to add that I didn't ask?

REDMER: I will always know that Jason walked into that place Thursday evening facility, desperately seeking help, and he ended up dying there alone in a room –that is the reality that my son, Chris, and I live with each and every day.   

My son, Jason, was a wonderful son. His brother, Chris, and he were best friends. Jason was so full of life. He loved being outdoors and he was very active. He would do things that would make you laugh, even if you were in a bad mood.

Jason loved and respected family and friends and there had to have been over 200 people who attended his funeral. 

There are so many things about Jason that I miss every day for the rest of my life. Whenever Jason would call me it was always - "love you Mom."   I will miss his hugs, and so much more.

A friend of ours set up a website to honor Jason - it talks about him and it is a way for us to honor his memory.